Describing Mania

I only know what it feels like for me. It’s a spectrum, like depression, that I look to keep somewhere in the middle, through a combination of medication and therapy. I most associate mania with an increase in determination, focus, and confidence. I have the urge to accomplish everything at once and I know exactly how to get there.

It’s a feeling, nothing more. But an addictive one. My mind is in a race with itself, trying to build the future without a blueprint of the present. I can dream up multiple ideas for multiple projects, all of which may or may not have any real potential. Sometimes I forget to ask myself whether the idea was realistic in the first place. When I’m manic, I don’t want to confront myself. I’m aimlessly creating, hoping if I produce enough, everything will fall into place.

Mania doesn’t like structure. It likes to pick and choose its own objectives and ride the euphoria. I have to be aware of this while I'm working. My brain likes to get stuck fixating on all that could or should get done, leaving no time or energy to cross the first item off the list. In my experience, stress fuels mania, and trying to do everything at once is stressful. Mania is cyclical.

I struggle the most with mania during the writing process, especially if the rest of my schedule isn’t built out in a meaningful, organized way. In order to write clearly and concisely, it helps to feel like I don’t have all day to sit around and think about something, because chances are I will, and nobody will ever see it. If I’m not managing my condition well enough, I can spend hours building myself a maze I can’t remember how or why I started.