The following is a collaboration with Never Seek Approval (NVRSKAPPRVL), a Boston-based, female-founded lifestyle brand, creating what they call "ethically produced low impact clothing." Their message: be real. They were kind enough to ask me to write about a time where it was important for me to never seek approval and to share some advice with other creatives on how to break the mold. Some of what's been written has already appeared on this site, but I believe what follows is a more succinct message. Enjoy.
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Sometime in early 2018, I knew I wanted to work again, and that I was capable of bringing something to the table. The problem was I had fallen off the grid after being hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2016.
At the time, I was a reporter wrapped up in the Boston news landscape. If you’ve never worked in the press, you should know that time works differently in the media. If you’re not relevant in some way, in some corner of the internet, influencing something: you don’t matter. The only way to compete is to publish every day (at least if the company you work for wants to stay afloat). Disappearing like I did--for as long as I did--was a death sentence. Two years removed from publishing and any social media presence made me a ghost.
Any comeback in the media felt impossible. I didn’t know how to market myself and avoid presenting red flags to people. My writing portfolio for prospective employers would have raised more questions than anything else. Why had it been so long since I published anything? What had I been doing, if not writing? The truth: recovery. I was coming to terms with life as a manic-depressive and what that also meant for the people closest to me. My full-time, unpaid, zero-credit job was being a patient, and figuring out what form of treatment and medication would work to keep me stable enough to have a chance at living a normal life.
But I didn’t want to explain any of that to a stranger. I didn’t trust anyone to understand--to really “get” mental illness. And I was worried that they would judge me as “unfit” to work. I was a writer who couldn’t write about anything, because what I knew best (mental health) was so stigmatized. I didn’t want to “out” myself and give fickle media types any more reason not to hire me. But I knew I would have to make myself vulnerable at some point if I ever wanted to restart my life. I felt trapped.
Despite my insecurities, I ultimately decided the best plan was to own my situation.
Bipolar disorder took control of my life and sent it in a direction I never expected. It’s not a condition that can be easily ignored or swept under the rug. Rather than continuing to worry about how to present myself to an employer, I started writing and creating for myself. I realized it was important for me to never seek approval from my potential readers. Since day one of NK BLOTS, I’ve been writing openly about my experience with my mental health journey, including my hospitalization, and all the challenges I have faced since my diagnosis. Unable to figure out how to get back into my career without addressing uncomfortable questions, I decided that whenever I showed up to work for myself, I wanted people to see me for who I really am.
Don’t do what you do for someone else’s approval. Forget about trying to target a specific audience, and stop obsessively checking for likes and shares on your content. Those things come in time, and if they really mean that much to you: guess what? You can buy likes and followers. (As of this writing, I have a solid 129 Instagram followers, a private Facebook with 431 friends, and @NK_BLOTS has Tweeted a total of 0 times.)
Want to stand out? Show up every day as your unique self, and nobody else. Your work doesn’t have to be perfect, as long as it’s authentic. People will notice. Make sure what they see is you.