Over-Promising

I didn’t realize I was doing it until the world turned upside down. When this site went live and I started publishing my writing, COVID-19 was something I didn’t pay much attention to. I forced myself not to because mainstream news, in general, hasn’t given me a reason to pay attention in a long time. I don’t think I questioned the legitimacy of the virus itself, but I didn’t imagine it would evolve into a global crisis that would dramatically change the way most go about their day-to-day lives.

I’ve tried to power through, business as usual, maybe to prove a point to myself and readers that life goes on. But mostly, I think I’ve been trying to play a role: I’m a bipolar addict trying to start a business while also trying to connect with readers. Through the first few weeks, that was relatively easy. A lot of the content had been written in advance and most pieces were too long to keep readers’ attention, so I split them up, tweaked ‘em a bit, and managed to produce three days a week of mental health-related content.

Then my brain started to stall. I realized I couldn’t write about my mental health three days a week. I thought two days would be enough and Fridays could be dedicated to telling readers about other aspects of my life. That plan has changed in less than a week and it wouldn’t have been a problem if I didn’t trap myself by over-promising. I was so one-track minded about what I thought this project should or needs to be that I forgot about the reality of the situation: I don't know what it is yet.

I want readers to have an idea of what to expect when they visit this site. I want there to be a consistent flow. I want it to make sense. But that is a process that I’ve been forgetting to embrace since I started writing. I’ve said all along that I want to be a resource for others. Given the state of the world, I don’t think I would be a very good one if I published content that was exclusively related to my journey or continued promising readers certain things only to change course abruptly. To avoid that, I’m just writing until I figure things out, and the COVID-19 situation seems to be presenting a unique opportunity.

Fact is, I’ve been social-distancing for the better part of four years, learning how to manage Bipolar Disorder and figuring out how to live a healthy, productive life. I’ve been in my apartment more often that not and have grown accustomed to operating on a much different schedule than others. I’ve had to learn how to be productive without guidance and where to go for help in the absence of colleagues and superiors. I’ve had to learn to live with boredom without worsening my condition. In many ways, the monotony of recovery is the basis for starting my business and I want to write about it.

COVID-19 is here to stay for the foreseeable future and could very well lead to sweeping operational changes even after the worst of the event has passed. I’m in the unique position of being able to write extensively about what life in relative isolation feels like, the struggles it can cause, and how to use boredom to one’s advantage. I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to write about this, but that’s part of the plan going forward. Everything else I’ve said about delivering this or that at such and such time, throw out the window. I’m going to keep writing and we’ll leave it at that. Stay safe.